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青いアルカディア

原來跟音樂談戀愛就是那回事 (if I were to fall in love with music)


by ding_dongbiru

倒數進入二十三

倒數進入二十三_b0017269_2217094.jpg


剛被生出來的第一個生日,
只懂得餓了哭鬧、吃飽微笑。
照片裡,
全家福、爸媽抱著的小寶貝。
接下來的兩歲、三歲、四歲、五歲、六歲生日,
雖然仍屬於懵懂、毫無記憶的日子,
親戚、家人共享齊樂、圍著蛋糕唱著生日快樂歌
一邊聽著、哼著歌、笑著的同時,
心裡卻想著如何拿到蛋糕上唯一的紅櫻桃。


小學三年級的生日,
全班的九月生日的同學全部一起過,
所謂的慶生會。
音樂節目、短劇演出、壽星一起照相。


十歲的生日,一九九三
剛到紐西蘭不久,
人生地不熟,
上課字典放膝上,
怎麼查也查不夠外國人劈哩啪啦講話的速度,
只能點頭傻笑。
回家能夠講中文覺得心情舒暢許多。


忘了是十一歲或十二歲的的生日得那年,
剛參加了同班女同學的stay over night party,
不曾生日開慶生會的我也很想這樣子的過。
就這樣,
雖然英文還是破破爛爛的,
生日的那天也有模有樣的請了一堆朋友來家裡作客。


九二一的那年的前一天,我剛好滿十六歲。
Form 5,選了Art當其中一門科系,
正處於狂熱期。
熬夜了一整晚,
剛剛交了Art Portfolio,
終於能夠喘口氣。
收到學校朋友的祝福與卡片,
爸媽隔天也即將來紐西蘭替我慶生。
難得用浴缸泡澡,
難得的奢侈,
手指都皺巴巴了居然還不願起來。
隔天的惡訊是我當時無法想像的。
兒時的足跡也隨著隔天之後的日子漸漸消溺。
慶幸的是,
能夠聽見平安無事的家人的聲音。

十七歲的那年生日,
同學送了我一束迷你向日葵,
因為我曾說過,
那種花最像我﹝至少我希望我能像那樣﹞。
The Mummy 剛好上映,
浩浩蕩蕩跟一群女生約一起去看電影。
並不可怕,
但隔壁的韓國同學嚇的突然抓了我的手,
害著我也莫名的跟著尖叫了起來。


十八歲的生日的那年,
Form 7,
終於從菜鳥升級為校園裡的老鳥。
穿著跟大家不同的制服,
毎個禮拜多了一節的free period,
翹課這字眼變的著不上邊。
莫名的感傷了起來。
等到了這天,卻不想畢業。
矛盾。
五年的高中是當時我的世界的全部。
數著數著床頭邊的 teddy bear,
自從初中那年便一隻隻的增長。
毎逢生日必定收到一隻熊娃娃。
知道故事的人似乎希望我永遠記住,
不知情的人,
以為我很喜歡teddy bear,
有模有樣的跟著送,
而我,
也不知不覺變的喜歡布娃娃。
四年級十五歲那年,還被逼簽同學為我做好的『結婚證書』,
為了『收下』熊娃娃一隻,
現在想起來還是好笑,
『No matter sick or death...will always....』

十九歲的生日,
人在但尼丁。
第一次遠在他鄉奮鬥,
雖自由、卻也多處不適應。
朋友偷偷在我房間的床上堆滿著十九顆混著 Navy & Light Blue的汽球。
收到生日卡片、藍色馬克杯、
跟著朋友去聽台灣同學會的卡拉OK大賽、
接著一通又一通遠方的家人、奧克蘭的朋友的祝福電話、
不僅是窩心、
也是感動不已。


二十歲的生日,
原本坐大學圖書館外頭的Link裡與其他華人文學社團夥伴趕著生連載用的故事接龍稿子,
搞的一肚子的火﹝怪自己需要靈感的時候它偏不來﹞,忙的焦頭爛。
無暇理會社團的學妹不停的接電話,
直催我回宿舍大有原因在後頭。
回宿舍後一堆人在門口堵住了我,
原來,
大家早串通好要替我過生日。
學弟妹精心設計的Hayward Hall 尋寶,
跑的團團轉。
對猜謎沒輒的我,
還得靠大家偷偷提供線索。
記得看到寶藏:巨無霸F- cup萬用內衣﹝聽說可當洗衣袋、逛街包包兼風箏﹞,
和紅與黑性感內衣當時睜大眼、下巴脫臼的表情,
回想起來也夠白目了。

傍晚文學社的慶生晚餐,
原以為逃過被整的下場,
原來學姊學長早已想好讓我跟亨利﹝同天生日的學長﹞,
演出『貝爾羅蜜歐與亨利茱麗葉的戲碼』。
升為女生的我還好,
但學長還是被推上了不歸路,
濃妝豔抹。
而半路上突然一時興起的『瑋恩小姐』,
變成了三角戀情悲劇。
自暴自棄的演出噴飯悲劇。

二十一歲的生日是大三的時候。
白手起家了新社團、考試壓力喘不過氣。
顧慮到此事,
好友和室友提前替我過了一個溫馨的二十一,
還親手做了個蛋糕、合買了隻我很喜歡的nici 猩猩。
我原以為生日當天將在圖書館渡過
答應和朋友晚上出去喝杯咖啡、敘敘舊。
當晚前來的他,
居然還突然還帶了朵白瑰,說是生日禮物。
第一次收到白色玫瑰的驚奇,
天色雖是晚上,
但我可是羞紅了臉。
晚風大了點,我冷的直發抖只好加快腳步。
剛過路頭,
拐彎的同時,
『哇!!碰碰碰!!』不出其意的被大聲尖叫、響炮聲嚇到。
『Happy Birthday~~~~~』站成一排的大家歡呼著。
我一邊驚叫、一邊跑遠的糗樣,
完完全全的被錄了下來。
擦拭著驚嚇後從眼角擠出的淚滴,
驚訝的說不出話來。
玫瑰、約會、
都是躲在轉角等著嚇我的夥伴們一手策劃的。
而當晚約我出來喝杯咖啡的朋友成了二十一歲生日的開端。
成群結隊樂團老友們在Nova喝著咖啡、
說說笑笑。
覺的很慶幸成立了社團,
把散在但尼丁、讀著不同科系卻有相同興趣的大家湊在一起。
隨後的蛋糕,上山放煙火。
瞬間的煙火、
仙女棒、
夜晚星空,
幸福。


剛過二十二的那幾天,
還在找工作當中,
沒有落腳之處。
組別報告氣氛凝重、
課業壓力、
考試逼近覺得特別無奈。
第一次覺得陶吉吉的『二十二』唱的很有韻味,
覺得未來茫然而焦慮不已。


今年,
開始工作後,
許多的不習慣。
突然比較能體會,
為什麼人總是說,
大學時間是一生中最快樂的時候。
以前,或許可以找個人哭訴,
今年,必須學著自己調適。
低調,
卻更多時間思考人生。
挫折,
明天還是得爬起來面對。
慢慢的進步,
並告訴自己,
別氣餒,
病人對我的信任並不是一天達成的。
因為懂的難過與哭泣時的痛苦、不安,
微笑、快樂的時間,
變的非常的珍貴。


毎過了一年,
毎年的生日的前一天,
回憶著歡、喜、悲、苦。
今年沒有例外,
靜靜的,
就這樣,
倒數進入二十三。




倒數進入二十三_b0017269_23372854.gif

1st Birthday,
Knows nothing other than
the usual...eat & sleep
Daddy & Mummi's girl.

2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th birthday,
still that period of time that I was too young to remember anything
Celebration with the family relatives,
Sang the happy birthday song.
I remembered even when I was singing the song,
smiling, or listening,
the only thing I could think of was that little red cherry thats on the birthday cake.

Primary school 3rd year's birthday,
class celebration for all the birthday girl & boy in September.
Music items, drama, photos.

10th birthday,
1993.
Just arrived New Zealand for a few months,
Knows nothing at all...
even with that dictionary on my lap,
I found it hard to turn as fast as how those kiwis talk to find the meaning.
Couldn't do anything but smile back and nod.
Able to talk in my own language at home was a big relief.

Couldn't remember whether it was the 11th or the 12th birthday.
I went to one of my classmate's stay over night party.
I never had one like that at all before.
so...
there I go....inviting all those friends to come along...

The day before 921, I just turned 16.
Form 5, chose art as one of my main subject,
one of those days where I was just about to draw like mad everyday.
Just stayed up late the night before,
and finally handed in my portfolio,
finally able to have a bit of breather.
Friends got me some present and cards,
my parents were also packing,
ready to fly over to New Zealand the next day to celebrate my birthday.
I usually shower,
taking a bath was such a luxury.
The skin on my fingers and toes became wrinkly...
but I just refused to come out....
The news next day was shocking
Couldn't picture it at all
Most of my childhood memory turned into ashes as the day goes by after the quake.
But the good news was,
everyone was safe in the family..that was the biggest blessing.


17th birthday,
I received a mini bundle of sun flower from my friend.
I once said thats the flower that reflects my character ( well or what I wanted to be...what ever)
"The Mummy", that was the movie we went to watch.
Wasn't scary tho...
but the friend who sat next to me grabbed my hands when she felt scared,
that got me screaming with her.


18th birthday,
form 7,
Finally become the "senior citizen" of the school.
Different uniform,
extra free period every week,
wagging? that was probably not a word to use anymore...
not when you could go out freely during those times.
Felt sad all of a sudden.
Waited for 5 years....now come to think,
I didn't want to leave school.
Always contradict my own thoughts....

Counting the number of teddy bears along the bedside,
ever since intermediate, the number had increased one by one.
Come to think,
each year,
I almost just about to get 1 teddy from a friend for my birthday.
For those who knew, they gave it to me for the sake of remembering.
For those who didn't know, they just got me one because they thought I liked it a lot.
But...ya...I did end up liking the teddies....
4th form, was forced to sign a "wedding contract"....
for this teddy that was given to me on my birthday.
It always got me laughing when ever I think back.
"no matter sick or death..."


19th birthday,
In Dunedin.
1st year leaving home for study.
Freedom, yet...also times when I wasn't use to it at all.
Friends gave me a surprise
19 Navy blue & Light blue balloons on my bed.
Birthday cards, blue mug,
Karaoke Competition,
family and friends phone call.
happiness

20th birthday,
Just about to go nuts trying to think up something to write for the article for Bei-Wang,
Had no idea why people keep telling me to go back to hall when there was work to be done.
There I was...walking back,
then realized as I stepped through the doorway,
everyone was waiting for me.
The birthday treasure hunt began.
I wasn't the brightest at these things,
they all had to give me hints and clues here and there.
I could still remember the time when I saw the "present"
-Those enormous F-cup "multi-purpose" bra
(according to the ones who picked this,
they said its good for washing bag, shopping bag and kite, if you are keen)
and sexy lingerie, my jaws were wide open with disbelief.
Those experience were once of a lifetime.

Later during that same day,
there was the birthday party organized by the Bei-wang literature club.
I thought I was out of this whole prank thing,
hmm but no....it was just the beginning.
Actually, they have already planed an act for Henry and I
(because we have our birthday on the same day),
"Belle Romeo and Henry Juilet".
I felt lucky for being a girl...seriously...especially on that day,
Henry, poor Henry were asked to put on thick make-up,
that was his moment of major transformation.
Half way through our "Romeo-Juilet drag" act,
"Lady Wayne" decided to cut "her" way in.
with an additional slaughtered poor soul,
this was probably the biggest tragedy of all time.

Turning 21, almost finished 3rd year uni.
Started my own music club, exam stress was really making me breathless.
Beasties and flatmate decided to give me an early birthday celebration,
with hand-make cake and a nici gorila.
I thought I was gonna spent that day studying in the library.
One of my friend asked me out for coffee and catch up.
That night when he arrived, he brought me a white rose.
I never received a white rose before.
Although it was night time, I knew I was blushing.
It was rather windy that night,
I was shivering with cold as I fasten my pace.
As we turned around the corner,
out of no where, "Wa~~~~Bong!!!! Bong!!!!"
all those friends who hide around the corner gave me a big fright with those party poppers!
I screamed and screamed and ran hard,
(would sure like to say...that moment never happen, but ya...
someone had it all recorded on video tape><)
Wiping off the little tear drops,
I suppose I was overwhelmed-
the rose, date..everything....it was the birthday surprise.
That night, all of us ended up having a cuppa at Nova,
chatting away,
later on, cake cutting, fireworks at Signal hill,
gazing up at the stars,
it was truly a moment of happiness.

Just turned 22,
still looking for a job,
yet, no luck.
The tension was building up with other members of the elective group.
Exam close by...sigh...
For the first time,
David Tao's song "Twenty Two" sang out the flavor of reality,
I had no idea where I am heading with my future.

This year,
first year at work.
Finally understand why,
people said uni was perhaps the happiest time of life.
Before, it was possible to find a shoulder to cry on,
someone to talk about the good and bad.
This year, learning to on my own.
Rather low key,
but more time to think about life.
Failure in life,
but still gotta face it the next day.
Just need to tell myself,
it takes time to build the trust between us the patient,
don't give up.
Going through the pain and tears,
Laughter and the happy moments become a rather precious thing in life

Every year,
the day before the next birthday,
thinking back,
the past, those times.
This year, like any other year,
thinking...reminiscing,
counting down,
towards 23.
by ding_dongbiru | 2006-09-19 22:14 | 心情の日記